I am 30 years old and never once in my life have I had sex. I haven’t even kissed a man. And you know what? I’m fine with that. I do want a relationship. I want to be in love. I want a partner. I want a connection with someone that is deeper than friendship, a person I can count on and who can count on me. I have had no luck finding a partner. As soon as guys figure out I won’t sleep with them, they run. But I really have no desire whatsoever for sex and I don’t want to budge on that. I don’t have anything physically wrong with me, the desire just isn’t there in the least. There are a million other things I would rather do with my time. Do I stand a chance of finding a man who is down for a meaningful, sexless relationship? The desire has never remotely been there for me, even as a teenager.
30-year-old virgin
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Hello, 30-year old virgin
It is remarkable that you have standards and have been strong enough to stand by them. However, Beloved, when you are seeking to pursue a relationship that is deeper than friendship with someone of the opposite sex, you have to learn this little word called, “compromise”.
I am not by any means sending you out there to have sex with any man who comes. You have all right to set boundaries in the relationship about when is the appropriate time to engage in sexual intimacy. However, you cannot expect a warm blooded heterosexual male to be “down for a meaningful, sexless relationship” with you. I suggest you invest in some books that will teach you about sexual intimacy or see a therapist. There might be something deeper attached to your absence of interest. You may also want to discover on your own body those erogenous zones. That may help you in opening up about another person discovering them.
Good luck on your journey to finding yourself, sexually.
Damien Williams is a Minister & Bible Teacher at Ekklesia Bible Fellowship in Kingston, Jamaica. He is also an Educator, Life Coach and Human Rights & Justice Advocate. His day job is as a Field Operations Manager at Habitat for Humanity Jamaica. Damien is the author of Grab You Some Lemons: Make the Best out of Life’s Sour Moments available on Amazon. You can follow him @damienmwilliams (Twitter & Instagram). If you have an issue that you need advice on, send an e-mail to [email protected]
