A few weeks ago, my 11-year-old brother was spending some time with me and my partner. One day he was in his room playing video games and my boyfriend and I were in our room. It was one of those days when one thing led to another and we were engaging sexually. To make a long story short, my brother caught us doing it. He just walked into the room without knocking, which he did not normally do. My boyfriend ran into the bathroom, yelling, “I’m just taking a shower!” as my brother asked, “What are you guys doing?” I answered with the first thing that came to mind. “We were wrestling!” The answer seemed to satisfy him. (But not me — I was mortified.) How do I handle this? I never mentioned the incident again for the remainder of the time he was with us and I don’t know if he has told our mother or anyone else.
Troy
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Dear Troy,
I am sorry but I am not one who believes in the one thing led to another. Unless your sexual organs have minds of their own, I cannot buy that argument.
Firstly, between getting naked and engaging in “doing it” (I suppose you mean HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE), you had ample time to get up and lock the door and continue with what you were doing. It was careless of both you and your boyfriend, considering that there is a child in the house to not take the necessary precautions but instead chose to be driven by the “heat of the moment.” The one thing that separates us from animals is our ability to control our self.
Secondly, you added insult to injury by LYING to the child. At 11-years-old do not believe for a second he bought yours and your partner’s sorry explanation of what happened. All that was needed was for the both of you to sit him down and have an honest conversation with him. I am sure your truth would have helped him made better sense of what he saw and might have won his respect and admiration than the half-baked lie you chose to give him.
However, all is not lost, you still have the opportunity to have that honest heart-to-heart conversation with your brother about what he saw, your own identity and offer some sound advice on how he can and should manage his own sexual behaviour. There are other lessons like honesty and saying sorry when you have done wrong (your lie) that you can use this opportunity to teach him. SEIZE the moment.
And remember, #YouAreWorthy
Damien Williams is a Minister & Bible Teacher at Ekklesia Bible Fellowship in Kingston, Jamaica. He is also an Educator, Life Coach and Human Rights & Justice Advocate. His day job is as a Field Operations Manager at Habitat for Humanity Jamaica. If you have an issue that you need advice on, send an e-mail to [email protected] or [email protected]
Interesting situation to be in. I find it more interesting that the exchange that was happening is referred to as an ‘incident’. Nothing two consenting adults do is an incident, or maybe I’m reading that too literally. However, I’d have to agree that if it wasn’t a discussion you (Troy) wanted to have with your brother, or anyone else as a matter of fact then his presence there should have always being considered. Beyond what your brother walked in on, what do you think you and your partner were doing locked up in the room doing to begin with. Does he know about your sexuality, or you just rather him not associate a practice with what he may know (if he know). Moving forward, this should serve as a lesson and also further encourage you towards that discourse with your brother. Engage him, let him speak about what he saw, you definitely don’t want his classmates to be the ones discussing this with him, as he’s at an I.pressionable age (still).
Best wishes Troy.
I agree that you should have seize the moment to tell him the truth, at 11 he is mature enough to know that you were not wrestling. As Damien said you still have an opportunity to come clean with him and I am sure he will love you even more for telling him your truth!