Dear Pastor
I’ve been married for seven years and have two children. This past month, my wife told me that she no longer loves me and she needs space. According to her, she wants time to find herself and to try and discover love again. Since letting me know about how she feels, she has become very distant and spends most of her time reading books or giving her attention to friends. She also refuses to talk about the situation; she says that just makes things worse and will push her further away. She says she will chat to me when she is ready. I feel completely unloved and stuck in a situation where I’m with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this. She is not having sex with me and I need sex. It is not difficult for me to find a woman or women outside to get sex. Sooner or later I am going to reach my breaking point.
Feeling Unloved
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Dear Feeling Unloved,
It must be difficult to be dealing with this stage in your relationship.
Sex is a need much like food and water. However, it is useless to stay holding on to that relationship, yet considering the option to acquire sex elsewhere. If you are confident that you and your wife have exhausted all options, including professional counseling, then set yourself FREE.
Truth is, we all begin relationships thinking we had all that is needed for a successful relationship. The end of this relationship does not signal that you’re a failure. It perhaps is an opportunity for another shot at happiness.
If you are willing to give your relationship another try, I’ll suggest that you work on creating your own moments and spaces for happiness and not look for that happiness in another, including your wife. Also, if you are giving your relationship another try, sex with other women may work against such efforts.
More importantly, remember, YOU ARE WORTHY!!
Damien Williams is a Minister & Bible Teacher at Ekklesia Bible Fellowship in Kingston, Jamaica. He is also an Educator, Life Coach and Human Rights & Justice Advocate. His day job is as a Field Operations Manager at Habitat for Humanity Jamaica. If you have an issue that you need advice on, send an e-mail to [email protected] or [email protected]
