My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. He hit me with a bombshell recently when he told me he wants to have an open relationship and see multiple partners. He had become very distant and unaffectionate lately. I figured he was depressed because it wouldn’t have been the first time, and things were just worse this time around. We’ve been trying to work on things for a couple of weeks. But I think he was just trying to muster up the courage to tell me that he wants to sleep with other people. He is trying to get me to agree to this but right now I feel so used. I feel like my whole world is falling apart and I feel like I’m the world’s biggest idiot. Am I a fool for thinking that I could be in a relationship with someone who loves me and would stay faithful and not cheat? What should I do?
Feeling Lost
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Dear Feeling Lost,
Let me first of all tell you that there is no need to feel like an idiot. You are guilty only of being patient and understanding, which are good traits to be found in anyone for a relationship. You cannot hold yourself accountable for what someone else feels and does.
However, let me hasten to tell you that there is absolutely nothing to feel lost about. YOU must decide at this very moment what it is that YOU want. What is the definition and what are the boundaries of the open relationship? Do they fit into your values and standards for a relationship? Are you willing to compromise those values and standards? If your response is NO to any of the last two questions and you are still contemplating remaining in that arrangement, then you may need to dig deeper to understand why you are self-inflicting such emotional turmoil.
Your boyfriend is not holding a gun to your head and forcing you into this open relationship. You need to make your decision. Your pain or happiness is your decision. If you think you cannot live with this person, then you are right. If you think that you can live without him, then you are also right. Which do you choose?
Never forget, #YouAreWorthy
Damien Williams is a Minister & Bible Teacher at Ekklesia Bible Fellowship in Kingston, Jamaica. He is also an Educator, Life Coach and Human Rights & Justice Advocate. His day job is as a Field Operations Manager at Habitat for Humanity Jamaica. If you have an issue that you need advice on, send an e-mail to [email protected] or [email protected]
