My husband and I have been married three years. Recently I happened to notice a conversation on Facebook that he left open on our shared computer. I would describe it as extremely flirtatious, but there were no signs of a full-blown affair. The woman appeared to be a teenager. When I asked my husband about it, he apologized for my having seen the conversation. He said they were just flirting harmlessly. However, it doesn’t feel harmless to me. I am hurt. He hasn’t flirted with me like that since we’ve been married. I asked him point blank if he has any romantic feelings for her. He said, “If I were single, maybe, but I am not and that is that.” That made me feel a little better, but only a little. It made me think that maybe he’s been thinking about what life would be like if we were no longer married. It made me think he has thought about what it would like to be with her. So, I asked him to “unfriend” her and to no longer have contact with her. He laughed and said I have nothing to worry about and I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. He refuses to unfriend her, accused me of being “controlling,” and says it’s not his fault that I have a problem with the situation. I think it is his fault. What am I to do?
Feeling Disrespected
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Hello There,
I am not the wife of your husband, but I am angry!!!!
I am angry because this flirtatious affair is not happening with just another woman but a TEENAGER!!! That is a NO-NO. And if this teenager is underaged, your husband should be locked up!!
Secondly, you NEED, as a woman to expressly state what it is you want and deserve in that relationship and what compromises you will not make. If your husband respects you and your relationship enough, he’d listen. If he doesn’t, you must decide what is your next step.
Thirdly, you felt a little better by his explanation??? What boundaries have been set by the two of you? Would he be okay if you would flirt with another man? You cannot give such passive permission to bad behaviour and then complain about it.
And finally, sit with yourself and reflect on your worth and what you are deserving of. Do not act or allow yourself to be treated less than your worth. #YouAreWorthy
Damien Williams is a Minister & Bible Teacher at Ekklesia Bible Fellowship in Kingston, Jamaica. He is also an Educator, Life Coach and Human Rights & Justice Advocate. His day job is as a Field Operations Manager at Habitat for Humanity Jamaica. If you have an issue that you need advice on, send an e-mail to [email protected]
