Dear Pastor,
I am an 18-year-old man. I know that self-praise is no recommendation by I can tell you that I am very handsome. A few weeks ago, one of my friends whom I had not seen in several months came up to Kingston from St Elizabeth to see another mutual friend who was leaving the island. The Saturday morning after our friend left, my friend messaged and asked if I wanted to come and spend the day with him since he was going to stay at our friend’s apartment for a few days before heading back to the country. As I had not seen him in such a long time I was more than happy to go and hang out with him. Everything was going okay until he started to touch me and was saying how handsome I was and how good my body looked. I told him I was not interested in him like that but he would not stop. He held me down and even though I tried to fight him he still managed to overpower me and raped me. He is a much bigger guy and he is 27. I have heard rumours before that he is HIV+ but I don’t know if this is true. I am very worried and I have not been able to eat or sleep properly since that day. Sometimes I feel like taking my own life. What should I do?
A.W.
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Dear A.W.,
I am extremely sorry to hear how you have been violated. I want you to know that no action on your part caused that person who claimed to be your friend to violate you. There are some actions that you must take in this matter:
- Report the matter to the police. This person who did this to you is NOT your friend but a predator who, if you do not bring him to justice, may be free to do the same thing to other vulnerable and trusting young men.
- Seek medical attention AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Speak to your physician about what took place and get tested. You may have to wait three months after to be tested again for confirmation. Your doctor will advise you.
- Seek professional counselling to help you heal from the trauma of rape. Victims Support Unit should be able to provide free counseling.
- FORGIVE yourself. Know that you did not deserve this and you could not fight hard enough, scream loud enough or say “NO” emphatic enough to stop the predator. Place the blame where it belongs, at the feet of the rapist.
I wish you well and I pray for your emotional well-being and that your latter will be greater than everything that is already behind you.
Damien Williams is a Minister & Bible Teacher at Ekklesia Bible Fellowship in Kingston, Jamaica. He is also an Educator, Life Coach and Human Rights & Justice Advocate. His day job is as a Field Operations Manager at Habitat for Humanity Jamaica. If you have an issue that you need advice on, send an e-mail to [email protected] or [email protected]
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