I fear that my 10-year-old son might be gay. I know that it’s not politically correct to fear that and that I should support whatever sexual identity he ends up living, and I’m really trying to accept things, as I will love him forever no matter what. He’s a great boy. I’m not one of those people who see gay people as less than. But the reality is I know that he would have a VERY rough time in this country both growing up and as a young adult. I want the best life has to offer for my child and I don’t want him bullied or exposed to the kind of homophobic hate that is known to run rampant in the country. Here’s why I think he might be gay: He plays mostly with dolls, avoids sports and the types of toys boys tend to go for, is always asking about my make-up, and he even says he wants to be a princess. He doesn’t understand what the problem is. What am I supposed to do? I feel like a bad parent if I suppress who he wants to be, but I feel like a bad parent if I let him do something that he might grow out of and he gets bullied or emotionally scarred in the meantime.
Conflicted Mama
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Hello Precious Mama,
I am heartened by the love expressed by you for your child. That is a sure foundation on which to build a healthy relationship with your child and have an honest conversation about your child’s identity. So far you have based your fears of an assumption or a hunch. You may need to first have a conversation around why does your child want to be a princess. You may find out that your child may not be gay but may be a person of trans experience. There is a lot of literature around to acquaint yourself with what is happening. Since my training does not qualify me to make that determination, the best person to help you understand your child’s identity is primarily your child and then you may want a second opinion from a trained psychologist who specialises in human sexuality and gender identity. Whatever your journey discovers I am certain that with your unconditional love, support, guidance and protection (not shielding), your child will be able to weather any storm that is out in the world. Remember, #YouAreWorthy
Damien Williams is a Minister & Bible Teacher at Ekklesia Bible Fellowship in Kingston, Jamaica. He is also an Educator, Life Coach and Human Rights & Justice Advocate. His day job is as a Field Operations Manager at Habitat for Humanity Jamaica. Damien is the author of Grab You Some Lemons: Make the Best out of Life’s Sour Moments available on Amazon. You can follow him @damienmwilliams (Twitter & Instagram). If you have an issue that you need advice on, send an e-mail to [email protected]
